Positive Change

Most people know and understand that being positive is beneficial for us, yet it appears that there is always someone trying to rain on our parade. I would say that in the beginning, trying to be positive is like searching for silence in a noisy world. The world just appears so loud, overwhelming, and filled with noise, but you have this special, instinctive feeling and you know that silence exists. Most of these people are not intentionally trying to create obstacles, but instead trying to offer advice and support. Due to the way we are raised in society, many of us have been conditioned to react in certain ways. Whether it was preached to us from friends and family or ingrained into us from past experiences, the mind has been conditioned to react autonomously.

This is a case of Freud’s classical conditioning theory. Basically in his experiment, every time prior to feeding his dog, he would ring a bell and then bring out the food. He did this for a period of time and eventually the dog developed a symptom where it would salivate when the bell rang. The dog would still continue to salivate even if no food was offered as long as the bell rang. Salivation was not the dog’s intention, nor was it the dog’s conscious control. The theory applies to us as well. Throughout time, we have conditioned ourselves to our current mindset, attitude, and reactions. Most of the time, this is our subconscious acting out and we are not even aware of our actions.

Whether it would be phases like, “be realistic!” or “prepare for the worst and hope for the best!”; they act as limitations. It is actually a fear of unfavorable outcomes and it offers a temporary cushion of comfort. I understand that sometimes decisions do not appear in the best interests of the individual, but we should provide direction and support instead of shattering dreams. The world can be a very cruel place, but we are individuals that make up this world. If a thief decides to break into your car and steal your stereo, it doesn’t mean that you should go out and steal someone else’s stereo. If that was the case, the whole neighborhood would be thieves and this logic applies to attitude and mindset as well. The difference is that the act of stealing is an intentional act; whereas expressing your attitudes and mindset are unintentional and subconscious. Therefore, it can become quite contagious!

If you look deeply at families with a history of child abuse, domestic violence, or alcoholism, you will realize that it runs in the family and down the generations. Constant exposures to similar events and situations will shape and condition how you react in daily aspects of life. The solution to this dilemma is to open your eyes and become aware of the flaws in your character, accept it, and change them. Instead of thinking, “this is how I am and this is what I will be”; better yourself through discipline. Think about it this way: If you saw a horrible future for yourself, would you try to change it? I’m almost certain that you would. Now, take a look at your present life because you are initially shaping your future through your actions now. Before you smoke that cigarette, imagine the repercussions. You can change your future!

“The Earth is moving at tremendous speed around itself and around the Sun. We forget that we are actually sitting on a spaceship, only this spaceship is big, therefore we think it is static.”

It sounds exciting to me! I am on a spaceship with all my friends and family while I watch this spaceship get upgrades and facelifts. I have a home address that represents the location to my house and it does not change unless I move to a new residence, but is it at the same permanent location? The answer is no. From a universe standpoint, the location of our house moves every second. Relative to Earth, our house moves due to plate tectonics. If we look at a map from a few thousand years ago, the alignment of the continents will look drastically different. Things are always changing and have been for many years. The only ‘constant’ that I see is, the world is constantly changing. Do we want to change with it or be limited by our narrow perception?

Although we have been conditioned to respond in peculiar ways, it is not permanent and can be changed. As we correct the flaws in our character, we will be conditioning ourselves to respond positively and be able to project ourselves into the world. Changing ourselves, influencing our peers, and providing a positive influence that will shape our world. We can become better individuals while making our world a better place!

©2010 taneyism!. All Rights Reserved.

guiding-through-change

On our journey through life, we have encountered numerous obstacles and learned many valuable lessons. While looking back in time, I realized that if there was one thing we could ask for, it would be to have someone talk to us, mentor us, and guide us through these harsh times. It’s extremely devastating to see other people go on similar paths and make the same mistakes that we have, especially the close ones in our lives. We become very sensitive and empathetic as we sit and watch what appears to be a sequel to a very long and depressing movie. We care about these people; they are our family, friends, and lovers. Our intentions are to share with them our meaningful, personal, and life-changing experiences. We only want what is best for them. Quite frankly, we would not spend a minute helping a random stranger in this situation. I have described how it feels to be on the giving end of this relationship, but let’s trade places and hop in the shoes of the receiver.

Receiving advice is never easy. It is especially hard to accept when the advice is coming from someone close to you. As a receiver, advice would usually only come when others see a problem or dilemma. You will feel as if people are on your case and judging you as you drive on your road to success. It almost feels as if the world is against you. There are other reasons that I would like to share; they include:

1) Nagger – If the person trying to lend you advice is very nagging, it will be almost impossible for you to take their advice. You realize that if you decide to take the advice offered, more nagging will persist in the future.
2) Mr. /Ms. Right – If the person offering advice is always right and you always feel that you do wrong and remain a failure to them, the last thing you would want to do is prove them right by taking his/her advice.
3) Fellow Peers and younger – If the person giving you advice is a fellow peer or someone younger, you will have a hard time accepting it, mainly due to the fact that you do not perceive them as mentors. They are on the same page as you, yet you will get the impression that they are trying to be more and are judging you.
4) Misunderstanding person – This is the most common case. There are times when we feel that other people do not understand the facts and circumstances that we are in and it makes it harder for us to accept their advice. A good example of this is when we look at teenagers and their parents. I’m sure most of us have rebelled against our parents because we felt that their advice was not appropriate and they did not take the time and effort to understand us.

It feels amazing to be able to achieve great heights without the help of others. You feel as though these advisors are threatening your progress to victory. You strive to accomplish your visions with no outside help as intended. You probably endure many unnecessary obstacles and learn many valuable lessons along the way, but you accomplished it with great pride and success. Now that we fully understand the giver and the receiver, let’s step back and watch the show from a third person audience.

Whether you are a giver or receiver, you have to realize that you cannot offer someone guidance and support if they are unwilling to accept it. In the case of the giver and the receiver, both of them have personal issues that need to be dealt with. I would now like to share a quote from Carl Jung, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” As a receiver, you probably have issues of your own because you are letting other’s prejudice affect the way you act. You should learn to understand why and correct these flaws. As a giver, you are not able to let go of your past. You had your opportunity to live, learn, and understand from your own mistakes through example. It has definitely shaped you into a magnificent person. You should be able to let others undertake obstacles just as you have in the past. Also, the approach you are taking to offer the advice might be threatening to the receiver. If you really want to offer help, your approach should be considered.

The moral of this story is that you should not always try to change people. If you cannot change others, what are your options? I would recommend try changing yourself. The reason that you would want to change someone is more personal than you think. Other people’s way of doing things and actions are irritating you, so let’s resolve that. Learn to be strong and take charge of your own feelings and actions. Release yourself and set yourself free from other people’s obstacles and dilemmas. You probably have your own problems as well. Change yourself for the better gradually, learn to be a good role model to others, and eventually people will naturally come to you for advice. We all have eyes to perceive; success will not be left unnoticed.

©2010 taneyism!. All Rights Reserved.

Change

Change is the cause of the different outcomes that we see in our lives. Many people in the world fear change. They reach a point in their lives where they are really comfortable with their surrounding environment and become scared of losing what they value most in life.

People need to realize that change is progress! Without introducing change into your life, you will be living the same life as time keeps moving. A plan needs to be implemented as the foundation of your future. Changes will need to take place in order for you to reach where you want to be. In life, there will always be obstacles, whether they are small hills or huge mountains, you will need to find a way to overcome them. With the right plan and mindset, change will take you where you want to go while giving you an exciting and interesting journey.

There are also those that have attempted to change their lives, but ended up with bad outcomes and gave up. They continue to live their lives miserably. One has to realize that if he or she really wanted something, they have to keep trying and not give up. Sometimes you’ll win, but other times you’ll have to go back into battle. Fact is, if you are not satisfied with the environment and events in your life, you should make some changes and aim toward where you desire.

Today, we live in a world that is constantly evolving. As human beings, we have to learn to adapt and change with the world to appreciate and accept all the great things in our lives.

©2010 taneyism!. All Rights Reserved.