guiding-through-change

On our journey through life, we have encountered numerous obstacles and learned many valuable lessons. While looking back in time, I realized that if there was one thing we could ask for, it would be to have someone talk to us, mentor us, and guide us through these harsh times. It’s extremely devastating to see other people go on similar paths and make the same mistakes that we have, especially the close ones in our lives. We become very sensitive and empathetic as we sit and watch what appears to be a sequel to a very long and depressing movie. We care about these people; they are our family, friends, and lovers. Our intentions are to share with them our meaningful, personal, and life-changing experiences. We only want what is best for them. Quite frankly, we would not spend a minute helping a random stranger in this situation. I have described how it feels to be on the giving end of this relationship, but let’s trade places and hop in the shoes of the receiver.

Receiving advice is never easy. It is especially hard to accept when the advice is coming from someone close to you. As a receiver, advice would usually only come when others see a problem or dilemma. You will feel as if people are on your case and judging you as you drive on your road to success. It almost feels as if the world is against you. There are other reasons that I would like to share; they include:

1) Nagger – If the person trying to lend you advice is very nagging, it will be almost impossible for you to take their advice. You realize that if you decide to take the advice offered, more nagging will persist in the future.
2) Mr. /Ms. Right – If the person offering advice is always right and you always feel that you do wrong and remain a failure to them, the last thing you would want to do is prove them right by taking his/her advice.
3) Fellow Peers and younger – If the person giving you advice is a fellow peer or someone younger, you will have a hard time accepting it, mainly due to the fact that you do not perceive them as mentors. They are on the same page as you, yet you will get the impression that they are trying to be more and are judging you.
4) Misunderstanding person – This is the most common case. There are times when we feel that other people do not understand the facts and circumstances that we are in and it makes it harder for us to accept their advice. A good example of this is when we look at teenagers and their parents. I’m sure most of us have rebelled against our parents because we felt that their advice was not appropriate and they did not take the time and effort to understand us.

It feels amazing to be able to achieve great heights without the help of others. You feel as though these advisors are threatening your progress to victory. You strive to accomplish your visions with no outside help as intended. You probably endure many unnecessary obstacles and learn many valuable lessons along the way, but you accomplished it with great pride and success. Now that we fully understand the giver and the receiver, let’s step back and watch the show from a third person audience.

Whether you are a giver or receiver, you have to realize that you cannot offer someone guidance and support if they are unwilling to accept it. In the case of the giver and the receiver, both of them have personal issues that need to be dealt with. I would now like to share a quote from Carl Jung, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” As a receiver, you probably have issues of your own because you are letting other’s prejudice affect the way you act. You should learn to understand why and correct these flaws. As a giver, you are not able to let go of your past. You had your opportunity to live, learn, and understand from your own mistakes through example. It has definitely shaped you into a magnificent person. You should be able to let others undertake obstacles just as you have in the past. Also, the approach you are taking to offer the advice might be threatening to the receiver. If you really want to offer help, your approach should be considered.

The moral of this story is that you should not always try to change people. If you cannot change others, what are your options? I would recommend try changing yourself. The reason that you would want to change someone is more personal than you think. Other people’s way of doing things and actions are irritating you, so let’s resolve that. Learn to be strong and take charge of your own feelings and actions. Release yourself and set yourself free from other people’s obstacles and dilemmas. You probably have your own problems as well. Change yourself for the better gradually, learn to be a good role model to others, and eventually people will naturally come to you for advice. We all have eyes to perceive; success will not be left unnoticed.

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