“To pursue or to give up? To hold on or to let go?” These questions often cross our minds numerous times in our lifetime. To be honest, I cannot give you the answers to these questions. However, I can provide some insight and ideas to guide you in the right direction.
These issues can be just inconsequential or of great importance. Examples include:
• dealing with relationship issues,
• career-related decisions,
• investment-related opportunities,
• buying and selling of certain assets,
• migrating to a new place,
• lifestyle adjustments such as those relating to health,
• having children,
• and many others.
Any time in life that you are given an option, it can be perceived as an opportunity or threat. This is basically a matter of smart decision-making. First off, you are going to have to balance out your costs/benefits and pros/cons.
Let’s pick one of the scenarios above, how about debating whether to stay with a company or look for better opportunities? By staying with your current employer, you probably are more comfortable, relaxed, and familiar with how the company functions and performs. You could stay where you are and maybe potentially ask for a raise. Let’s imagine the possibilities of leaving the company to get a new job or enroll to advance yourself in higher education. This new career path could prove to be the best or worst decision you have ever made in your life. You could complete graduate studies and still have trouble looking for work or maybe find another job that you are not satisfied with. On the other hand, there’s the possibility of finding a high paying dream job that you truly enjoy. The outcomes are unpredictable; I cannot tell the future. If I knew the outcomes, I would answer the first two questions for you!
Another thing to keep in mind is, if you decide to stay with your company, would you be content with your decision and not ponder back and forth of the possible outcomes? In doing so, you are letting this issue eat you up inside out and making matters worse prior to this outlook. If that’s the case, you should just pursue your interests wholeheartedly and look forward to the opportunities. There’s no reason to dream of the possibilities and not act on them; that’s as bad as moping and wallowing in the past! It just makes you feel unworthy, vulnerable, and miserable. These moments of wondering are just different forms of fear and insecurity.
Let’s take a step back and look at another issue. I would like to emphasize more on the relationship issue since it is very common. In this kind of situation, we tend to think more emotionally than logically. Often times, we are blinded in our priorities and we feel that he/she is ‘The One’ and we will lose him/her if we do not continue to pursue. Whether the desire and intent is to win them back, prove something to ourselves or them, or nostalgia for past events, we tend to be persistent in our pursuit. When we don’t pursue him/her, sometimes we tend to find another person to fill our void of being alone and secure. I have been in the situation before and honestly, it’s filled with constant pain and suffering. All these thoughts and feelings stored inside our chest, we can literally feel it about to burst and explode. Everyone that we seek advice from seems worthless; we feel that none of them truly understand our situation and how much it means to us. We mope and ponder for awhile; eventually realize the need to gain ‘closure’. Even when closure is given, many of us may deny the accusations as being factual.
As we have realized, the relationship issue is a much more complex and peculiar situation that involves a clouded mindset, emotional anxiety, fear, insecurity, and denial as well. Upon reaching a state of clear mindset, I have a different take on the relationship issue. Often times, we don’t even know if we love him/her, we’re in love, infatuated, or in lust. I feel that it is misplaced priorities and misguided aspirations that have caused us to act the way we do. Obviously, he/she does not share the same feelings as we do and if they did, something has caused them to be indifferent. We may have made a mistake or his/her feelings have changed. If a mistake was made on our part, we could apologize and make matters better. If he/she chooses not to accept, we have done our part and it’s time we give him/her time to think about it. As human beings, we are constantly changing and evolving. ‘The One’, our soul mate, and what we seek are constantly transforming as well. To me, this is an opportunity for us to find someone that suits us better. There are many fishes in the sea; we are facing overpopulation as we speak!
Letting go can be another issue for some of us. Many of us facing the relationship issue will feel that life is meaningless, pointless, and empty without him/her. Did we find him/her and lost ourselves in the process? It can be like suddenly losing direction and motivation in life. The simplest things in life can suddenly feel so foreign. The key is to look at your environment and everything that you have achieved up until this point. Define what makes you who you are, whether it’s your personality, attitude, hobbies, interests, passions, and other characteristics. There were probably happy times in your past. You should look at those moments and see how you can incorporate them into your present. What ever happened has happened; it’s time to live in the now!
The fact is all these issues, even relationships, deal with smart decision-making. To be successful in decision-making would require clear, unbiased opinions. Step outside and look at your situation from a third person point of view. Sometimes that’s not enough and we should consult with others for insight and advice. Devise a list of costs/benefits and pros/cons. Figure out the potential outcomes and from there you can decide if you want to pursue or completely eliminate it from your mindset.
I hope this helps on your journey through this beautiful life!